I have forgotten how to breathe. 

It is just a sad, slow, lonely countdown to 10/10/10.

or rather 10/11/10.

My second attempt at a boston cream pie is about to fail again, but everyone seems happy enough because the loved the last one.


My apartment looks like the 70s. 

I can see why people don't like cities, and ask me weird questions about living in a farm-filled-hell-town. I swear that if I have to hear "just drink the kool-aid and you'll be fine..." one more time I'll die. I must have found the most small minded company to work for. Although they want to pay me to go to school, but for their evil.



If I could go back in time, to high school, I would actually paid attention to XML. How was I supposed to know that I really was going to make it out alive? We all dreamed it, and one of us left before we knew what was happening...



I'll be 25 this year. I found out that growing my hair out may all be in vain. I'm not scared of dying. It'll happen. I have more important things to fear. Especially at this phase, nothing is for certain yet.




It is also worth noting that July marks year 3 of paper work day. The wedding is set for 10.10.10, if only for the love of binary and tradition.



Who misses me know that I'm closer and farther away...

Yay, new apartment.

Week one ended in a family trip to Ikea. Mostly planning what we would finish the new apartment with.
It also ended the tension at work. I'm not getting fired, they're just changing my position back to what I wanted. I don't know that I could have wished for a better ending to being deathly afraid of a pink slip.

Week two begins with hanging lights in the bedroom and filing taxes. Although the place is pretty sparse right now, I'm still really happy with the progress. Granted I did get my biggest project done with the projector and shelf. Now we have an 80something by 70something screen to play our games on, and watch movies. Huzzahs to the high speed internet... huzzahs....

i love my diana f+

my sisters husband, my sister, and my dad 12-08

I finally ditched my very old computer. Something like 8 years old. I tried to keep it alive over the years, but it is really just walking dead.

So I got a tiny laptop for the interim with Linux. My dad would be rather upset, but I'm sure he would fall in love with it.
He's a little distracted because my little sister is getting married now. And he's at the age some of his closest friends are starting to get sick/die.

He shoulda known that my move would mean big changes...

My husband mumbles from under his damp washcloth... poor thing is ill.
He continues with "I've not seen or heard from Mike Rowe in a while..."
Silly.

You really can never go home.
A lot has changed in my little city.
Makes me feel old.

"This all used to be fields"

I got used to knowing the odds of me running into someone were pretty low. In 6 months of San Jose, I've accidentally ran into one person I knew. In 6 hours of being back in Bakersfield I've seen almost all of my graduating class... except those I really hoped to see.

San Jose is home. I'm doing really well. I don't have to deal with people being as dumb and ignorant as they are here. I tell people that I'm from Southern California, its easier to accept me that way. Kind of like when you travel abroad, you should say you're Canadian. No one likes Americans, out side of tourist places. No one like Bakersfieldians, out side of... ... old folks homes in Bakersfield...

I have a day job now, and that more than being married, makes me feel old. Its even a convoluted office job. An almost nothing job. I like the HR/Facilities world.

Granted my hobbies/habits/life style has become more... indie kid-ish. I think that is a small price to pay. Its not like it matters much anymore anyhow.

Side note:
After all of my years of mental preparation, I may not be able to even have children.
All of my friends are now getting married/having kids.
My little sister is nesting... she hate people and cannot form functional relationships, but she's practically married now...

No point in getting worked up about it. You really can never come home.

Is it weird posting on live journal makes me think of transvestites?

all the cool kids are back in school.
most of the cool kids miss smoking.
some of the cool kids are revisiting old habits
none of the cool kids miss bakersfield.

"what is this a goddamn hong kong convention?!"

my first big city paycheck comes friday.
i took my sweet ass time getting a job.

i'm starting to want to make friends again. but i think i still hate people too much and need to let things go.i think i get too close to people and expect too much and then they suck. its really their fault, but i didn't help them.

i keep getting addicted to a new webcomic every day. its gotten a little out of hand. i'm starting to think i only read when i have school work to do...

i'm a goddamn receptionist.
rock it.

i left bakersfield, hopefully for good on my birthday.
i took one week to learn some what of the city.
i started looking for a job this week and have had 3 interviews.
i've hated every offer.
we played shadow puppets on the ceiling.
i fall asleep to the sound of record rain.